CHEMISTRY RAP

By C. Wagner

Acid/placid, beakers/sneakers 


gases/masses, passes/classes 


Neon/freon, eon/peon


burners/turners, learners/earners


Well its nineteen hundred and ninety-nine


And most of the students are feelin' just fine


They all signed up, the lads and lasses


and found themselves in Chemistry classes. 


They didn't know florence from ehrlenmeyer,


but they were set to go like a house on fire.


They had always done so well before,


so Chemistry would be just one more chore.


They'd get their ninety or ninety-five


and with any luck, get out alive.


Avoid the acids, avoid the bases


especially keep them away from our faces


Try hard not to burn yourself up


and never use a beaker as a cup


Safety rules and more instructions


And lab periods full of strange concoctions.


But pretty soon, they began to notice


that it was not all wine and roses.


The grades were more like seventy-five


and most of it sounded like a bunch of jive


It was hard and getting worse, 


this Chemistry turned out to be a curse. 


Bradley, Mark and Jason and Peter, 


they didn't know an inch from a centimeter.  


And what the heck are significant digits? 


All we can do is sit and fidget.


We're learning laws about liquids and gases


And I can't even see the board without my glasses.


Argon, krypton, and neon too,


Now I'm really in a stew.


Chlorine and Bromine are diatomic,


This guy must be some kind of comic. 


On the other hand, he's not very funny 


and during tests my nose is runny. 


And all he has is paper towels,


While around the room intent he prowls, 


making sure that we're not cheating,


And extra sure that we're not eating.


It doesn't matter whose paper I can see,


Most of them don't know any more than me!  


Protons, neutrons and electrons too, 


I just don't know what to do.


Am I really going to flunk?


Who the heck cares about all this junk? 


Nitrates, sulfates and acetates and more, 


learning them is really a giant chore.


What in heaven's name is a mole? 


I could just crawl into a hole.


The teacher says this is the majors 


and I have to read 50 more pages.


Lab books, notebooks, textbooks scatter


And this teacher don't allow no chatter.


In my head, eveything is a buzz,


I guess I just AIN'T AS SMART AS I THOUGHT I WUZ!!

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